Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
