how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
two words...techno handjob
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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