we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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