I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
