Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
