Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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