Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
