got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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