Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
