ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Holy sore nipples Batman
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
