i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
