youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
