I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
