We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
