I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
