oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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