HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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