i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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