Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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