You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
