I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
