if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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