dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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