Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
