OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
