Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize