no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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