areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
