3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
