You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
