so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
