How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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