I think I am morally bankrupt
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
