i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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