I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize