He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
