We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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