Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
