Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
