Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
