I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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