Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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