the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mom said you looked used
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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