My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
