Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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