That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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