2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
