TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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