You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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