You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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