Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
