Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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