he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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