3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
