Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
