We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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