Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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