Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
