someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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