On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
