hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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