someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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